Oh dreamer,
I think of you as oft as ever
and with those thoughts of you I cry.
The way you move
just like a feather
a dreamer dreams of you that fly.
And so you do
no one can tether
or bind you by and by.
Only love
can bring you hither
and how I love you my sweet guy!
But love of you
will never hinder
you to return to my sky.
For you are lost
for now and ever
and life is gone from you that tried.
Oh once you were
the greatest dreamer
and now all dreams for those that die.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I liked the beginning. It was light like this poem is supposed to be, or so it seems. I agree "guy" wasn't the right word in that line, either. You need a comma after "Oh" when it is used the way you used it. I think you did that a few different times. Yeah, "oft" isn't a word most people use, but if you would have used "often", it might've broken the rhythm. Therefore, it is excused, at least by me. In "and how I love you my sweet guy", you need a comma after "you". I don't know if I really understood the last line, but overall, this was a pretty good poem. Write on!
-*-*--Diana--*-*-
I agree with xanthan gum on both accounts but would had that at the beginning where you write 'oft' it does not really fit in with the language of the rest of them poem.
It would be better just to write often as it definitely flows better.
this poem was relatively good, but there was a major sag in it:
i didn't really get what you were trying to express here, and the whole "sweet guy" thing had the distinct aura of fake valentine's day hearts or something.